Where do we go, now… I’ve been reading a bit more about grief, death, and ideas on where we go. I’m envious of those who have a fixed idea and a conviction of what happens, either through the religion they were born into as a child, or through another portal, as in discovering a faith or belief later in life. I’m still quite neutral on … Continue reading Where do we go …
This one isn’t so much about healing, but about remembering. I’ve redecorated a lot at home. I’m not eliminating things, but trying embrace my new status. Not widow, but i was John’s wife, i still am his wife, but now it’s just me. This is my home now. i live here alone.This house, home, was built on our love. Cheesy? yes. True? yes. it’s still … Continue reading hello, goodbye, come back
I’ve done yoga for years now, Moksha yoga, specifically. I love it; the heat, the sweating, the shaky leg muscles holding postures, and especially the stretching. Yoga in itself is a moving meditation, although I have mostly considered it a workout. Chatarunga is chataFunga for biceps and great for core. yoga changed my body for the better. So back to this moving and mindful meditation … Continue reading Ohm, shanti, what?
Running has been great. It helps my mind in a way that therapy does not. I must say that therapy has been good, as well and I encourage anyone to go and talk about your worries, your woes, your grief. I also encourage running. The rhythm, the breathing, the constant tread of your own feet. It helps. Running allows your thoughts to ebb and flow … Continue reading Dance therapy
My Smart phone won’t prompt the word ‘suicide’. What the duck… fuck. I understand that making sure duck prompts first for the general population is a good thing, albeit frustrating. but c’mon. Suicide. It’s not a bad word. It’s a desperate act that leaves pain in its wake, but it’s a word. My phone has no problem prompting words like racism, hatred, despair, bullying and … Continue reading Bad words
I’m the type of person who seldom takes painkillers. I’ve had fairly major surgery and still, just don’t use unless I’m in agony. I’m also the type of person who hasn’t ever mastered the art of a consistently great sleep. I can’t even nap. As you can imagine, after they took my John away in the ambulance, the cops came and went, the coroner left … Continue reading Goodnight, ‘Pam
Hi. I went back to work about 5 months after John left. It was tough, as the insurance company was being a complete douchebage while i was off work. I still rage when i think about their absolutely inappropriate comments, and how they treated my broken heart and very messed up head like it was a broken arm. (right over Christmas, too) I’m not done … Continue reading Virtually Running
John was an avid reader. Our home is small, but we have five substantial bookshelves. Most of the books were Johns’, to be honest. I have my fair share, but his stash multiplied regularly. His guilty pleasure. He couldn’t just sit and stare into space or busy himself gardening or tidying like i do. He needed to read. History books, and historical novels, as well … Continue reading Books mark
Hi I had a major setback this week. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t as bad as the first week, but it was frightening. All of the despair just raged its way right back in my face, my mind and my heart and sucked the hope right out of me. Alan Wolfelt, a grief… specialist? calls them grief bursts. This was a grief volcano. i broke … Continue reading Stay
Hi again. i went for a trail run this morning. i’m still slow. i was thinking during this run (again) about hands. Not feet, hands. My hands were freezing! the temperature dropped about 20 degrees C from yesterday afternoon, and there was a nice chill in the air. Perfect running weather, really – unless you forgot your gloves. If John was here, i’d have placed … Continue reading Hands and pinkie fingers
Grief Runs 