I’ve been focusing on my husbands suicide for these entries. It has undeniably changed my life for ever. I have a new normal and it is still something that I strive to adjust in my mind, in my heart. This loss is for keeps and is a forever part of me. I also lost my […]Read more "Oh brother, where ya at?"
It’s quite amazing that a human can seemingly produce tears to infinity. You’d think you’d dry out, but I haven’t yet. I seem to actually run out of energy to cry before the tears dry up. The waves of emotion have been wider lately, that is, a spaces of time exist between the bottomless sadness […]Read more "Werewolves cry, too."
This entry is actually about running, mostly. I’m on a major sick day(s) and in lieu of running, I’ll write about it. We’ve had some frigid days this winter, hitting the -25 Celsius mark regularly. I’ve signed up for some winter runs and really hoped it wouldn’t be that cold. So far just an 8k, […]Read more "Cold runnings"
I debated writing about my feelings near the V-day, however, it is a pretty obvious hollow day for a lost spouse with no partner. It’s not my first Valentines, alone, without him, but it still sucks. I should point out that John and I never observed Valentines’, per say. My thought was that one day […]Read more "Happy every other Day…"
Hope We all cling to it. We all desperately seek it. We all need it. Without it, some of us can’t, and didn’t go on. It can be a fickle thing, a fleeting thing. It is always making us believe that tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow things will change. It often disappoints, but we forgive […]Read more "Hope"
Hi again. Holiday season was another load of sad smiles, empty hearts pretending we’re OK, and despite the love i felt from friends and family, it’s not the same. John is missed. I’m sure anyone who’s lost someone feels the same. I worked throughout the season, but got a 12 hour mini-christmas amidst a blizzard. […]Read more "What can i say…"
It seems to be a consensus amongst us -us being suicide loss survivors- that our grief is written on our faces. It turns out, it is not. People don’t see the loss. They don’t see the heartbreak. They don’t see anything but a face. It still kinda blows my mind when I realize this. It’s […]Read more "Inked"