Running has been great. It helps my mind in a way that therapy does not. I must say that therapy has been good, as well and I encourage anyone to go and talk about your worries, your woes, your grief.
I also encourage running. The rhythm, the breathing, the constant tread of your own feet. It helps. Running allows your thoughts to ebb and flow in and out of your mind.

I also highly recommend dance.
Oh yes, dance.

I started taking private dance lessons about 3 months ago. Private vs group because I am completely aware of my lack of coordination and zero background in the art of dance… I don’t count ballet jazz when I was 10. (I almost knocked myself unconscious during one of those classes, flopped backwards and saw the stars they draw over Archie and Reggie’s head when Veronica or Betty wallop them for being silly boys. You do actually see stars.) I was more a mosh pit/robot kind of dancer.

John and I had intended on taking dance lessons together. The day just never happened.
So I went it alone.
I wasn’t sure if I was going to commit to the first studio that I checked out, or even if I wanted to continue past the introductory lesson.
My teacher asked me why I was taking the lessons?
I told him.
Then I kept talking.
He knows about Johns suicide, he knows about my devastation and heartbreak. He knows a lot, short of the details. And he is awesome.
I had trepidation as I am somewhat taller than he is, but it absolutely doesn’t matter.
I say again, he’s awesome.
Yes.
I have a tiny crush on my gay dance instructor and I’m sure I’m not the first student (male or female) who has. Hahaha. It feels good to be silly.
The decision to sign up was made, I think, within minutes of talking to him.

The one thing I noticed in my dance class is that I do not think about anything except dance. My feet, the rhythm, the music, his leading and my following.
It is however not an avoidance of thought. I’m not avoiding being sad, rather I’m loving being happy. Sadness can just chill out and let happiness be the center of attention during the hour lesson.
I absolutely know John would have been a fantastic leader, a great dancer and he would have had a great time. He would have salsa-ed like a champ as he was very passionate and in my opinion, very sexy. He and my instructor would have been laughing most of the lesson, sometimes at me, I’m sure… which I am as well. I miss John’s laugh so much and would love to dance with him, just one more time

I walked into the dance studio crying one day, as I simply was having a bad day, full of questions and doubts and guilt.
I got a hug, and then the music started.
I left the studio laughing (and kinda sweaty).

I think the brain works hard during these first lessons, and in a good way. I know I overthink the steps. I’m still a stiff white girl that needs to put more flourish into my dance, I need to “get down” more and I really need more lessons.
Cool thing is, I’m signing up for more.
I can see dance being a part of my healthy future, not only physical, but mental.
Oh, and the shoes. OH MY GOODNESS THE SHOES!! Beautiful and comfortable.

I’m glad I started running as believe the cardio has helped my dance endurance.
Dancing and running definitely compliment each other in my opinion.

Did I mention the super cute shoes?

Gotta run…. and maybe even dance.