The lockdown of the new normal is in full swing. Some morons are out there, waving flags around like a grade 4 graduation diploma or marriage certificate to ones’ first cousin… but mostly, those who can think, are all trying. We’re trying to stay away from the ones we love. We’re trying to make it on employment insurance. We’re trying to cope with 3 kids … Continue reading grieving normal
I’m still desperate to understand why some people see suicide as their only option. I read books from health professionals. I read interviews with people who have attempted suicide, but lived. I buy medical books with words and terms I honestly don’t quite understand. I have found articles relating gut health to depression. I have found articles linking alcohol abuse to suicide. But I have … Continue reading Tiny little pieces
A dear friend of mine, who is also grieving, asked me how I was really doing the other day. My answer for that day was “I’m actually doing ok” huh. I explained I was still sad, and that he had just missed a sudden grief tsunami of my tears and sobbing, but at that time i was actually, truly, ok. I told him that despite … Continue reading Hope chest of drawers
It’s quite amazing that a human can seemingly produce tears to infinity. You’d think you’d dry out, but I haven’t yet. I seem to actually run out of energy to cry before the tears dry up. The waves of emotion have been wider lately, that is, a spaces of time exist between the bottomless sadness that are now longer than they were before. Perhaps it’s … Continue reading Werewolves cry, too.
Hi again. Holiday season was another load of sad smiles, empty hearts pretending we’re OK, and despite the love i felt from friends and family, it’s not the same. John is missed. I’m sure anyone who’s lost someone feels the same. I worked throughout the season, but got a 12 hour mini-christmas amidst a blizzard. It was good, but it will never be as good … Continue reading What can i say…
The second year without my Behr has been in full swing for a few months now. I’m doing my darnedest to not focus on those kind of anniversaries. The not happy ones. I don’t get why friends of mine post things on Facebook about how it’s been x amount of time since their 70 year old mum or 98 year old pappy passed away. WHY … Continue reading Reality bites
I still consider myself a new runner, but I have had lots of firsts in my 1st year of running. My first Santa run. My first virtual run. My first fundraising run. My first run in Newfoundland. (Yep. 10 k on ‘The Rock’) and my first real trail run. With hills and stuff. I finished with a respectable time as I was racing against the … Continue reading Trail mixed emotions
Where do we go, now… I’ve been reading a bit more about grief, death, and ideas on where we go. I’m envious of those who have a fixed idea and a conviction of what happens, either through the religion they were born into as a child, or through another portal, as in discovering a faith or belief later in life. I’m still quite neutral on … Continue reading Where do we go …
I’ve done yoga for years now, Moksha yoga, specifically. I love it; the heat, the sweating, the shaky leg muscles holding postures, and especially the stretching. Yoga in itself is a moving meditation, although I have mostly considered it a workout. Chatarunga is chataFunga for biceps and great for core. yoga changed my body for the better. So back to this moving and mindful meditation … Continue reading Ohm, shanti, what?
Running has been great. It helps my mind in a way that therapy does not. I must say that therapy has been good, as well and I encourage anyone to go and talk about your worries, your woes, your grief. I also encourage running. The rhythm, the breathing, the constant tread of your own feet. It helps. Running allows your thoughts to ebb and flow … Continue reading Dance therapy