Resilience I have a love/ hate relationship with that word. I wish I wasn’t so resilient sometimes, as I feel it would be easier to crumble and wither away in my grief and tears, but I’m also glad I am. Being resilient means I’m still here. I didn’t join John. I could have. Easily. Being resilient means that I get to see sunsets and sunrises, … Continue reading Resilience
21.1. Km I’m still feeling the aftermath of my first half marathon of the season, and my fist one since, well…my very first one 18 months ago. I finished the ChillyHalf in Burlington at a modest 2:12 and have chafe marks in places no one should chafe. I didn’t train as much for this one, and as I’ve been back at work I haven’t run … Continue reading 21.1 kilometres
This entry is actually about running, mostly. I’m on a major sick day(s) and in lieu of running, I’ll write about it. We’ve had some frigid days this winter, hitting the -25 Celsius mark regularly. I’ve signed up for some winter runs and really hoped it wouldn’t be that cold. So far just an 8k, a winter obstacle course and a 5 km road run … Continue reading Cold runnings
I debated writing about my feelings near the V-day, however, it is a pretty obvious hollow day for a lost spouse with no partner. It’s not my first Valentines, alone, without him, but it still sucks. I should point out that John and I never observed Valentines’, per say. My thought was that one day a year wasn’t possibly enough to show the love and … Continue reading Happy every other Day…
The second year without my Behr has been in full swing for a few months now. I’m doing my darnedest to not focus on those kind of anniversaries. The not happy ones. I don’t get why friends of mine post things on Facebook about how it’s been x amount of time since their 70 year old mum or 98 year old pappy passed away. WHY … Continue reading Reality bites
I regret so much in regards to John. I’m sure people who lose loved ones to natural deaths, or deaths you know are coming, have regrets as well, but suicide doesn’t give you a chance to make things right. You don’t get to say goodbye. The last time we spoke, I was in a hotel and he was at home. I was going to tell … Continue reading Regrets… I have a few.
John was a snappy dresser. Yes, he had his silly satirical, goofy tshirts, but generally he was, as they say, a sharply dressed man. Dress shirts with jeans, paired with a sport coat, black jacket and nice shoes. Even in khaki shorts and tshirt, (or a shirt I made him) I always thought he looked great. Even better in his kilt. So a few months … Continue reading You are loved
If you’re lucky, you have or will find a half and they make you whole. John made me a better person, but I know we were great together. We had our issues, but always loved. We were two halves of each other. I’m doubtful I’ll ever find this again. Halves are funny things. You need two to make one, or two to make something fabulous. … Continue reading Better Halves
I still consider myself a new runner, but I have had lots of firsts in my 1st year of running. My first Santa run. My first virtual run. My first fundraising run. My first run in Newfoundland. (Yep. 10 k on ‘The Rock’) and my first real trail run. With hills and stuff. I finished with a respectable time as I was racing against the … Continue reading Trail mixed emotions
The first year after losing my beautiful husband to suicide has passed. I made it. Some days I honestly didn’t think I would. It is so very difficult to be alive some times when you’re constantly asking yourself “what if”, “why” and trying to believe it never happened. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that this is how it will be for me. I can … Continue reading Te Echo de Menos
Grief Runs 