John was an avid reader. Our home is small, but we have five substantial bookshelves. Most of the books were Johns’, to be honest. I have my fair share, but his stash multiplied regularly. His guilty pleasure. He couldn’t just sit and stare into space or busy himself gardening or tidying like i do. He needed to read. History books, and historical novels, as well … Continue reading Books mark
Hi I had a major setback this week. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t as bad as the first week, but it was frightening. All of the despair just raged its way right back in my face, my mind and my heart and sucked the hope right out of me. Alan Wolfelt, a grief… specialist? calls them grief bursts. This was a grief volcano. i broke … Continue reading Stay
Hi again. i went for a trail run this morning. i’m still slow. i was thinking during this run (again) about hands. Not feet, hands. My hands were freezing! the temperature dropped about 20 degrees C from yesterday afternoon, and there was a nice chill in the air. Perfect running weather, really – unless you forgot your gloves. If John was here, i’d have placed … Continue reading Hands and pinkie fingers
I prefer running in the woods. Trails have wonderfully uneven surfaces: rough, smooth, muddy or grassy. Generally in these woods, these trails, there are less people to say “wow. She’s slow” and less hardship on my body. There is less impact, more embracing the knees and shins. Concrete sidewalks can be sad, lonely places. Whipping by people’s homes – wondering if this beautiful yard belongs … Continue reading Cracks in the concrete
Hi I have very flexible ankles. So much so, that i can twist them inwards and walk on the outsides of them without feeling pain. I’m sure it’s not good to do that, but it is one heck of a party trick. It totally grossed John out. He thought it would cause long term damage, or something. meh… mostly, it grossed him out. I went … Continue reading Unstable
Such a simple social question between strangers, friends, co-workers. How. Are. You. Do they want the truth? Probably not. Shit. crappy. sucking, i’m holding in the rage, i’m barely hanging on, i’m on the verge of tears…. not the best way to start a day or five days with a co-worker you’ve never met. But saying “i’m fine” feels like a big fat lie. You’ve … Continue reading How are you?
The day John left me was the worst day of my life. It was the worst day of many peoples’ lives. His mum, his brother, his friends who were like brothers and sisters, my parents, my family… we all lost a piece of our hearts that day. Just so you know, that piece will NEVER come back. I appreciate the kindness associated with friends of … Continue reading write down your hurt…