I’ve made it past the two year mark, and this time it wasn’t that traumatizing. The firsts are always the worst, it seems. The first anniversary, the first birthday, the first road trip, the first Christmas. The first September without John was terrible, leading to my escape to Spain. This one, I felt like i […]

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I had a dream…

I had my dream… At least I think it was “my” dream. Everyone who loses someone has their own theory on how our loved one lets us know that they’re OK. And inevitably, whatever happens after our time on the Earth, we seem to end up “ok”. Some think it’s a sign like a flower […]

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Happy every other Day…

I debated writing about my feelings near the V-day, however, it is a pretty obvious hollow day for a lost spouse with no partner. It’s not my first Valentines, alone, without him, but it still sucks. I should point out that John and I never observed Valentines’, per say. My thought was that one day […]

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Where do we go …

Where do we go, now… I’ve been reading a bit more about grief, death, and ideas on where we go. I’m envious of those who have a fixed idea and a conviction of what happens, either through the religion they were born into as a child, or through another portal, as in discovering a faith […]

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hello, goodbye, come back

This one isn’t so much about healing, but about remembering. I’ve redecorated a lot at home. I’m not eliminating things, but trying embrace my new status. Not widow, but i was John’s wife, i still am his wife, but now it’s just me. This is my home now. i live here alone.This house, home, was […]

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