Goodnight, ‘Pam

I’m the type of person who seldom takes painkillers. I’ve had fairly major surgery and still, just don’t use unless I’m in agony. I’m also the type of person who hasn’t ever mastered the art of a consistently great sleep. I can’t even nap. As you can imagine, after they took my John away in […]

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Virtually Running

Hi. I went back to work about 5 months after John left. It was tough, as the insurance company was being a complete douchebage while i was off work. I still rage when i think about their absolutely inappropriate comments, and how they treated my broken heart and very messed up head like it was  […]

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Books mark

John was an avid reader. Our home is small, but we have five substantial bookshelves.  Most of the books were Johns’, to be honest. I have my fair share, but his stash multiplied regularly. His guilty pleasure.  He couldn’t just sit and stare into space or busy himself gardening or tidying like i do. He […]

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Hi I had a major setback this week. It wasn’t good. It wasn’t as bad as the first week, but it was frightening. All of the despair just raged its way right back in my face, my mind and my heart and sucked the hope right out of me. Alan Wolfelt, a grief… specialist? calls […]

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Hands and pinkie fingers

Hi again. i went for a trail run this morning. i’m still slow. i was thinking during this run (again) about hands. Not feet, hands. My hands were freezing! the temperature dropped about 20 degrees C from yesterday afternoon, and there was a nice chill in the air. Perfect running weather, really – unless you […]

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Cracks in the concrete

I prefer running in the woods. Trails have wonderfully uneven surfaces: rough, smooth, muddy or grassy. Generally in these woods, these trails, there are less people to say “wow. She’s slow” and less hardship on my body. There is less impact, more embracing the knees and shins. Concrete sidewalks can be sad, lonely places. Whipping […]

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Hi I have very flexible ankles. So much so, that i can twist them inwards and walk on the outsides of them without feeling pain. I’m sure it’s not good to do that, but it is one heck of a party trick. It totally grossed John out. He thought it would cause long term damage, […]

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