Tiny little pieces

I’m still desperate to understand why some people see suicide as their only option. I read books from health professionals. I read interviews with people who have attempted suicide, but lived. I buy medical books with words and terms I honestly don’t quite understand. I have found articles relating gut health to depression. I have found articles linking alcohol abuse to suicide. But I have … Continue reading Tiny little pieces

C

I’m not sure when I realized I stopped counting the seconds, the minutes, the hours… but I just realized I stopped counting the months at some point. I actually stopped counting the exact time since John left. One day it was the 8th day of a month, and I didn’t even notice the 5th skipped by. Huh. I’m trying to pass on that bit of … Continue reading C

Thoughts unknown

Anthony Bourdain was one of my husband’s (and mine) favourites. Just favourites. Not necessarily favourite chef, traveller, host, sarcastic angry fucker, but just a favourite. He was brash, honest, a little crass, and a lot entertaining. He put the spark in the dark, and made mundane places seem exciting. He always acknowledged the beauty in the people he met, and brought out their best. He … Continue reading Thoughts unknown

Tired

I’m very tired these days. Tired of being sad, tired of wondering “is this IT?’ as far as progression or healing will go. Tired, physically not only with work, but the fact that I try to exhaust myself with running, yoga, occasionally purposefully not meeting my daily caloric intake – don’t care. Tired Mostly, I’m tired of pretending I’m OK. Crappy thing, I think my … Continue reading Tired