I’m very tired these days. Tired of being sad, tired of wondering “is this IT?’ as far as progression or healing will go. Tired, physically not only with work, but the fact that I try to exhaust myself with running, yoga, occasionally purposefully not meeting my daily caloric intake – don’t care. Tired Mostly, I’m tired of pretending I’m OK. Crappy thing, I think my … Continue reading Tired
I’ve been focusing on my husbands suicide for these entries. It has undeniably changed my life for ever. I have a new normal and it is still something that I strive to adjust in my mind, in my heart. This loss is for keeps and is a forever part of me. I also lost my brother to suicide. It was 14 years ago. His birthday … Continue reading Oh brother, where ya at?
It’s quite amazing that a human can seemingly produce tears to infinity. You’d think you’d dry out, but I haven’t yet. I seem to actually run out of energy to cry before the tears dry up. The waves of emotion have been wider lately, that is, a spaces of time exist between the bottomless sadness that are now longer than they were before. Perhaps it’s … Continue reading Werewolves cry, too.
I debated writing about my feelings near the V-day, however, it is a pretty obvious hollow day for a lost spouse with no partner. It’s not my first Valentines, alone, without him, but it still sucks. I should point out that John and I never observed Valentines’, per say. My thought was that one day a year wasn’t possibly enough to show the love and … Continue reading Happy every other Day…
Hope We all cling to it. We all desperately seek it. We all need it. Without it, some of us can’t, and didn’t go on. It can be a fickle thing, a fleeting thing. It is always making us believe that tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow things will change. It often disappoints, but we forgive it every time. I’m here with hope right now and … Continue reading Hope