Tiny little pieces

I’m still desperate to understand why some people see suicide as their only option. I read books from health professionals. I read interviews with people who have attempted suicide, but lived. I buy medical books with words and terms I honestly don’t quite understand. I have found articles relating gut health to depression. I have […]

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C

I’m not sure when I realized I stopped counting the seconds, the minutes, the hours… but I just realized I stopped counting the months at some point. I actually stopped counting the exact time since John left. One day it was the 8th day of a month, and I didn’t even notice the 5th skipped […]

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Birthday

They say it’s your birthday. John would have been 48 today. It’s odd to think that in two years, I’ll have been alive longer than he was. He was always supposed to be older than me. One day he won’t be. Quite a few people have checked in on me today, hoping I’m ok. I […]

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Same but different

Happiness morphs between mildly content and ecstatic. Although I can say that I am happy today, I can also assure you that it is a different happy than what I had before John died. But it is still happy. There are many ways to look at the evolution of happy before and after you lose […]

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Don’t ask Questions…

I attended a gala for mental health a few months ago. I think I’d mentioned that in a previous entry. I had a wee bit of hope after that night. Hope that some suicides are preventable and permanently avoided. Well, another blow to hope came last week. One of the “successful” patients who was a […]

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The black and white house

New subdivisions are taking over the forests and fields where I live. I don’t like it. It seems every time I drive or walk somewhere, there are more and more plywood frames, standing a mere 30 cm apart from each other, calling themselves homes. Every time I go to these new build areas, another farm […]

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Thoughts unknown

Anthony Bourdain was one of my husband’s (and mine) favourites. Just favourites. Not necessarily favourite chef, traveller, host, sarcastic angry fucker, but just a favourite. He was brash, honest, a little crass, and a lot entertaining. He put the spark in the dark, and made mundane places seem exciting. He always acknowledged the beauty in […]

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